General Jokes
Sssss
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human Beings are the
only animals that stutter,' she says. A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat
who stuttered.' The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could
become, asked the girl to describe the incident. 'Well', she began, 'I was in the back
yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and
before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!' 'That must've been scary,'
said the teacher. 'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went
Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before he could say 'Sh*t,' the Rottweiler ate him!
Whiskey
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the
contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and
proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and
poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the
exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third
bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from
the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and
threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured
the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink
and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one
hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were
twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all
the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incohol as
some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish
I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
